My Letter To Ed

Dear Ed,

I want you to know, I’ll always cherish the time we had together. You made the biggest impact on my life, sometimes I’d even think more than the day I was born. We were the closest couple I ever knew. We went together like two peas in a pod. But I have come to a realization. This is an abusive relationship.

You hurt me. You broke me down and took control. You wouldn’t let me make decisions for myself, but you made think I knew what I was doing. I felt hopeless. Helpless. It wasn’t me anymore. This is really hard for me to say, but we are done.

No longer am I allowing you to tell me what to do. This is my life, not yours. I want to have a future, and you aren’t a part of it. One day I’ll have kids of my own, with a supportive and loving partner, and I’ll tell them about you. I’ll tell them about our romance. How we danced together every night and ran through the streets in the morning. We talked every night and ate meals together. Then I’ll tell them what you did to me.

You destroyed the real me. I forgot who I was. I wasn’t acting myself. I longed for the days when I was free and laughed with my friends.

You locked me up. You took me to a secret room and hid me away from everyone. You didn’t let me out for nearly 4 years. Enough is enough. I can’t let you hurt me anymore.

Ed, we had a fun run. It wasn’t so great while it lasted and I’ll never get those years back. I will do everything in my power to make the most of what life I have. I will repair friendships I have disintegrated by being distant and oversensitive. I now know what has always been bugging me. You hid it from me for so long, but I am thankful I realized it.

I can escape this all. I can be myself once again. I have a new confidence I never knew I could experience. I have compassion I never thought I’d have. I am independent once again. I have taken the reigns of my life and am leading me on the path I want to go on.

I’ve come to a time where I’ve matured, and you haven’t. You need to grow up and stop acting so childish, always having fits if I ate the donut and didn’t purge or screaming at me to get up and exercise. Temper tantrums aren’t sexy. I was wrong to try and build a strong relationship with you. I was wrong to think you were right for me. We are complete opposites and it’s never going to work. I am strong. You are weak. I am so over you.

Don’t bother calling, I won’t pick up. Don’t write to me, I’m just burn them. If you try and talk to my friends, I will never let you get close to them. I’ll always have the memories, but none of them are good. You can have my size 00 clothes, I don’t want them. You can have all the hair I lost when I was with you. You can have your stupid attitude and get the hell out of here. I won’t say please, you don’t deserve it. Get out of my life.

Goodbye Ed, I’m not going to miss you.

I encourage everyone to write their own letter to Ed. At first you may be reluctant, but after a while the words flow out and you get to express what you truly think about him. Ed doesn’t have to be a boy, it can be Eddie, Ana or Mia, or anything else you would like to call it. Just be sure to separate who you are from who your eating disorder is.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s